Zebra Gone To Heaven

A zebra dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter is waiting and says, “Go through those gates and God will answer all of your questions.” The zebra goes through the gates and asks God, “Am I white with black stripes or black with white stripes?” God says, “You are what you are.” The zebra asks again and God says the same thing, “You are what you are”. The zebra goes back to St. Peter and says, “What the fuck? God didn’t answer my question.” St. Peter says, “Well, what did you ask him?” “I asked if I am white with black stripes or black with white stripes, and he just said, ‘You are what you are'”. Saint Peter replies, “Oh, you are white with black stripes.” The zebra astounded at getting an answer so easy furrows his brow and asks, “How do you know?” Saint Peter responds, “Because if you were black with white stripes, God would have said, ‘You is what you is.'”

Alternate Versions

  • St. Peter does not always appear.
  • Some versions have the zebra asking many more people before asking God.
  • Sometimes, the zebra doesn’t die. He just goes to heaven to ask God.
  • The final line is sometimes “Yo iz wut yo iz” or something between that and what is featured on Zebra Humor.